We talked about this at church tonight, and the topic was brought up in our group about how people used to small talk and how it has changed.
I think we have to face that we live in a more disconnected culture than our parents or grandparents did. Consider the fact of how technology has impacted us in just the last fifty years. Because of cars and the freeway, and now more recently, mobile phones and the internet, what is considered a local community is much more spread out than it used to be. The impact of this is that we don't all live in the same area the way friends often used to. From all through the 1800s up until the 1940's, it was common to bump in to friends on the street and at the store, post office, etc. For some it is still common, although less so on a larger scale. Small talk in that 140 year period between guys who know each other could range from 'how's the crop doing?' or 'how's the business doing?' or 'is Jimmy still working at the five and dime? How's that going?' Or a guy to a girl, that bump into each other walking down Main Street. 'Oh hi there, Barbara Jane. How're your mom and pop doing?' And then they might come to the small talk, talk about what's been happening around town, about the parade last week or whatever. Everybody young and old seemed to connect this way back in those days. People might also inquire about friends they have in common, or ask about people at church...you see where I'm going with this.
I think what we're dealing with today, on the other hand, is a culture that is still trying to catch up socially with its own technical advancements. We have so many ways to communicate today it's astounding, and yet because that same technology has in some ways disconnected the culture, it's still very challenging to communicate. The question I'm wondering is, BECAUSE we DO have a more geographically spread-out culture, isn't small talk still just as important, at least to start a conversation, as it ever was? But the difference is maybe now , that deeper conversation is more important than ever, because people live farther away from one another than they used to. Therefore, we need to make sure that our conversation doesn't always just stay at the small talk level. What do you think?
There is a definite advantage in being able to stay connected with the advent of email. We can feel we are part of the group. Of course, there is not the body language or voice inflection to assist in reading what that person is trying to get across and how it is received by the other person. Understanding this is important. We don’t write the way we speak and thus letters or email are not the same as personal conversation.
Small talk is a great lead into sorting out if a friendship will develop and to what level.
Sometimes it is an instant connection, and other times it leads to a slow growing relationship and, of course, it can lead to a distancing of that person and no further communication or stay at a small talk level. If we all go further, we probably will find there can be a connection; but we have to be willing to work at it and have some interest in mankind. It will probably will lead into a better understanding of how that person’s personality developed and why we are who we are.
It is a natural self-interest that we want to share our beliefs and if that self-interest is too strong, we might be straining a new relationship. We have to let the conversation have a life of its own and not try to dominate our point.
Our little community down here in Arizona is like the 1940’s where you bump into people and have small talk, which I have observed develops into deep lasting friendships.